Making Friends in Your New City

Moving to a new city as an adult is one of the most daring things you can do. It's starting a new chapter, except all the characters you actually care about were in the last one. The approach you take to starting over socially in your 30s and 40s takes one of two forms: meeting people through work or befriending the parents of your children's friends. If neither of those are options for you, there are still ways to get out there and meet new people, even though they won't be as funny or insightful as the friends you left behind. Here's how to do it anyway.

Acknowledge That It’s Going to Feel Like Dating, Except Less Fun

When you meet someone new, you’ll both pretend not to be auditioning each other for the role of “Person I Can Text About How I Hate Gen Z.” You’ll overthink your messages (“Too many exclamation points?”) and plan an initial hangout that feels simultaneously casual and desperate. Remember: this is normal. Adult friendship is basically dating without any of the potential for romance and all of the potential for ghosting.

Identify Friend-Hunting Grounds

Common options include:

• Clubs or hobby groups: Join one that aligns with your interests, or just pick something vaguely social like “Urban Hiking” or “Intro to Ceramics (Wine-Friendly).”

• Co-working spaces: Great for meeting people who also crave companionship but are pretending it’s about “networking.”

• Dog parks: Even if you don’t have a dog, just stand there.

  
  

Resist the Urge to Compare Them to Your Old Friends

Your new acquaintances may seem normal. Sure, they might think that Trump "has some good ideas" or host Country Music Awards parties. That’s fine. They will never replace your old friends. Enjoy them for what they bring to the table.

Say Yes to Things (Even the Weird Ones)

Your old friends knew you so well they never invite you to things you’d hate. Your new ones will not have this data. They will invite you to their children's holiday recitals, monster truck shows, and polar plunges. Say yes anyway. You’re not there for the event — you’re there for the human proximity. Eventually, someone will invite you to something tolerable, and that’s how you know you’ve made it.

Remember: You’re Not Replacing, You’re Supplementing

Making friends in a new city isn’t about finding people as good as your old friends. It’s about finding people who live within a 10-mile radius and are available on weeknights.

Yes, your new city friends might not share your exact cultural references. But they’ll show up when you need to borrow tools or grab a drink after an annoying day at the office. Just keep at it.